Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I'd rather have my tonsils removed with a rusty spoon*

Or: Thanks, but no thanks.

What is it about men that makes them treat women like they own them? And this with all women, not just their own. It's cool if you're chivalrous and charming, but if you're going to get all weird and freak out on someone you barely know, or even share a casual acquaintance-type relationship with, it's SO not.

It really gets my goat because there I'll be all nice but platonic (with a huge dash of casual) with someone and then they'll suddenly turn around and hit me with a lovey-dovey, sappy hand (and I speak metaphorically). Smack bang right in the middle of my gob-smacked self. Which is all well and good when you're both attracted to each other and flirting. But if you've been very obvious that you're not interested in the least, and go out of your way to be sisterly... WHY? WHY?

So I'm freelancing for this guy right? We met once when he had to give me some supplies and we're mostly communicating over the phone... all very professional and work related. So I finish the job and when he comes to pick his stuff up, he brings a little gift. I'm not one to take presents from people I hardly know (bad experiences. life lessons learnt the hard way) so ofcourse, I refuse in the nicest way I know.

"Why?" he goes, "It's just a small thank you. A watch. Not expensive," and shows me a garishly kitschy pink watch.

Now even if I wanted, why would I take that? I don't collect cheap, tacky, (ugly) watches thankyouverymuch.

"Take it" he says "If you don't want it, throw it away. I can't give it to anyone else, I bought it just for you. Who will I give it to?"

"Your girlfriend/ wife/ whoever" I say with what I think is an impish grin and then I walk off.

An hour later he calls me up. "Are you married or something?" he asks.

I'm lost for words. I don't want to say "D'uh no" incase he's got any ideas, and I can't say "yeah, with 3 kids" 'coz he'd find out in less than a minute from a mutual friend. Although I have done that once before when a stranger stopped me in the middle of the road and asked me my name. When I asked him why he wanted to know, he'd asked instead if I was engaged. I told him I was married and walked off chuckling, thinking I was oh so clever. A few months later I was set up on a blind date with the very same guy. So much for being smart.

So instead, I go "What do you think?"

"Damn you!" he says in annoyance "you can't even answer me properly! You don't take my gift! You don't answer my questions!" and he hangs up.

I couldn't have cared less at that point. His job was done, he'd paid my fee, and I was happily headed for lunch with a good friend.

And then this sms conversation happens:

B: sorry i lost my cool. just having a bad day. sorry

GG: its ok.. but next time please dont make such a big deal out of small insignificant issues.

B: sorry. i know guys must be hitting on u all the time. im not one of them. all i wanted is to show appreciation to a fellow artist. Im sad that my efforts were not appreciated. I prayed for you though - its friday :)

GG: (groans to herself, then rolls her eyes)

B: am i considered as just a client or a friend? if the latter then what else do i need to know about u. itll help me not to be humiliated next time.

GG: (enjoying lunch)

B: i guess i answered my own question. ok thats cool, i can live with that. i will send my driver to pick up the stuff tom. bye.

First of all, having a bad day is NO excuse to act like a moron. Secondly, whaddya mean you PRAYED for me? What are you trying to insinuate? Jerk-O. Thirdly, the whole client vs. friend thing? We've known each other for less than a week and I talk to you only about the work I'm doing for you. What do you think? Fourthly, you do NOT give cheap, tacky gifts to women. If you can't afford it, buy flowers, buy chocolates, buy a goddamn card. Fifthly, get a life. And a girlfriend. Sixthly, talking to someone for two days about work does NOT give you the right to give her presents. Well okay, you can give her presents. But only nice ones and without dishonourable intentions or expecting anything in return.

Maybe if the watch hadn't been so ugly?

Superficial? Who me?

*From a list of creative ways to say "No" that also included amusing but very gag-able items such as: I'd rather suck the snot out of a gorilla's nose until the back of his head caves in.


IR said...


what place is this where men stop women in the middle of the road ask them all sorts of questions !?

i'll have another one said...

the gorilla snot sucking was hilarrious...hilarious....hilarios....verryy funny! (albeit the mental image is pretty disturbing and watching the primates on discovery will always be just a little different for me now)

as for the rampant jerks out there, i suppose you can look at it as the occasional break from routine life..little spice, if you will! and the fact that happens to you atleast means you have an exciting life(im sure you'd prefer the occasional nut as to no nut no?)..on the other hand you have the guys who NEVER lose it (eg me) even if sometimes you want them to lose it...come to think of it...if it is someone we like, then we would WANT them to lose it sometimes right?

bottom line - lunches with friends are fun )

Geek Goddess said...

i'll have another one - heheh.. tell me about it, i had fits of uncontrollable laughter hand in hand with fits of uncontrollable gagging. theres more where those came from such as - I would rather have a porcupine inserted violently into my rectum; I'd rather drink a gallon of turpentine and piss on a forest fire; and also as gross: I'd rather suck cow snot through a straw. ugghh.

and no all the "excitement" is too much, i think id much rather have a dull, boring, nut-free life. and kudos to you for never losing it!! stay that way!! i mean that really, really. boys are so much more interesting when they DONT lose it. its the whole 'hard to get' thing - i guess it works both ways.

As for lunches... yeeaahhh lunches. sigh. they're the high point of my day.

ir - are you telling me this doesnt happen in Delhi? That there are sane, normal guys there? Oh my, I should move! anyway that incident had a long story behind it (and after it), but its completely, utterly 100% true. unfortunately.

IR said...

well ,admittedly delhi does not have the best track record :(,

but there are sane guys here:)

i'll have another one said...

ok the turpentine pissing is just sheer talent! and while im kicked bout my non losing it nature (thank you), lemme tell you it often comes back to kick me in the butt - like i said, sometimes, a girl wasnt a guy to do something, ANYTHING! since they're forever looking for the meaning behind te action! Dont get me started on the weightage given by you girls to subliminal microscopic notions behind our actions and the "little things" we do ok!

i'll have another one said...

and i must add that i agree with ir, there are some decent guys in delhi (ahem ahem)

Geek Goddess said...

heheh.. damn you've got us all figured out! well there's losing it and there's making that phone call and asking her out for a cuppa - huuuge difference between the two! one makes you look like a psycho, the other a potential date.

As for decent guys in Delhi... I don't doubt it.. ;)

i'll have another one said...

True...as long as you dont ask out the girl for a cuppa to your basement!! (hmmm must the general feeling of loathing for working on a saturday that making me think along those lines)


Geek Goddess said...

Yup, that would have been like saying "Hi, I'm Norman Bates." Oooh you have my sympathies... im usually working on saturdays - unless i have to go shopping or gallavanting with friends or have something better to do, like sleep till noon.

TS said...

Poor B. All he wanted was some action... :)

And the one liners, la la la la.

pranav said...

thats just mean - throwing your saturdayness in my face like that. i havent had a saturday in forever and if i got one i wouldnt know what to do with it so id probably just sit around doing nothing...come to think of it, that sounds like exactly what id like to do...give me a saturday come on i dare you (that makes me wonder whether there could ever be a system where people could gift each other "time" and i'm not talking about a boss - slave relationship but any two people...i could just be like "gg (thats you) take wednesday off," and you'd have to and the world would understand...sigh)

Geek Goddess said...

hahah... done and done. You can take this saturday off. And if you get fired your boss will have to answer to ME. Really.

And you lie, my saturdayness just missed your face by a coupla inches okay.

i'll have another one said...

wanna hear something tragic? i'm sitting at work on a saturday reading your comment telling me to take saturday off! and sadly im kind of self employed so my boss is kind of an irritating selfish bastard (feels good to trash the boss) and i tried talking to him and explaining the whole time gift concept but apparently no-ones home! (wow ive even managed to confuse my self with that one. i think i just had a chat with my own brain)

Geek Goddess said...

heheh... why dont you try the whole reverse psychology thing? tell him hes fabulous and an efficient, productive employee and can take the entire next week off :) and talk about ironic! im doing the same! and this after i gave you a whole spiel on how id be off gallavanting. bloody conscience! (and bloody deadlines! damn you deadlines!)

pranav said...

hehehehe ok this is boss speaking...thanks to your brilliant advice, i spoke to my employee and now he's dissappeared...unfortanately since he still inhabits part of my body and very little of my brain, i end up sitting and staring into space while still being in the office :) oh and deadlines - what to say about something so evil that we couldnt even give it a nice happy name like pepperoni?! anything that makes you do something against your will while still being pushed because it IS your will is just voodoo!! i learnt that that day i heard myself telling friends (and myself) that i gotta go to the office on a sunday!

Geek Goddess said...

As your guide and mentor, I have diagnosed your condition as a serious and hopelessly acute case of workaholicism. I suggest you join workaholics anonymous and become part of my group.

Not that that helps, because you'll just have less time to get work done (and meet the "pepperoni") and then have to go in on weekends. OKay never mind. I suck at advice. I should resign.