I'd much rather be watching television

I was finally able to decide on what I want to do for the rest of my life. Well the next year anyhow. I accepted the offer with the most exciting job description. It doesn't pay quite as much as the one that I didn't truly want to do, but I figure if I work hard and network harder, I'll hopefully end up with my dream job (and with it, a dream paycheck) within a year or two. And anyway, the money isn't all that bad. And it's close to home. And it sounds incredibly bloody exciting.

So that's that.

I was recently introduced to this dude online. Arranged-like-marriage sort of situation. We've been set up and now it's up to us to see if we want to take it further. It's incredibly difficult to suss a guy out online, I mean it's complicated enough as it is in real life, can you imagine figuring out if someone is right for you over miles of fibre optic cable and electronic beeps? Ofcourse we'd meet in person if things took off, but that's where the problem lies.

I've had a similar not-so-great experience before. Having a crush on someone I met online, we instant messaged each other like crazy for two whole long years. Then, when we felt we'd moved on romantically, (and I knew for sure he didn't have bad teeth, or wasn't an axe murderer) we spoke on the phone for another six months before he came down to meet me. Oh. My. God. It wasn't like I hadn't seen his (photoshopped) pictures, but not only was I completely not attracted to him, he was, in person, a completely different guy. Egoistic, stubborn and aggressive. Not my type one little bit. Hell, I have trouble handling my own obstinacy.

I continued with the so-called relationship though, feeling horribly guilty for judging him for his looks. But I realised soon enough that there could be nothing serious between us because there was absolutely no chemistry. I hadn't even had the courage to let him kiss me. I was afraid I'd cringe, or even worse, he'd feel me shudder in distaste.

From that I've learnt how important physical attraction is to a relationship. I know a lot of people would be thinking "oh how shallow," but you don't want to wake up every morning next to a guy who startles you into consciousness. I'd rather be the one taking the initiative to spook my partner with bedraggled hair and a mascara-streaked face.

Not that I'm worried about physical chemistry here (why exactly I wrote the previous three long paragraphs about it then, I don't quite know), he seems like a nice guy, cute in a very coochie-coo sort of way (although I'm not so sure that's a good thing seeing he's all of 31), all the right credentials (doesn't live with his parents, has an education and a regular job), but he's not funny. I mean, he doesn't get my (mostly lame) jokes! (And that's worse than not thinking the world revolves around me.) On top of that, he writes worse than a lawyer. No wait, I take that back. I've received an email from a real lawyer that read "that was da best summer of my life i must say we was out of control. you better enjoy your hols cause work is wack!"

So maybe not the right comparison to make.

What I mean is that he uses words like 'idiosyncrasies' and 'invalidate' and 'intrinsic phenomena'. I mean seriously, who writes casual emails like that? Perhaps to a potential employer, definitely NOT to a person you're getting to know, hopefully romantically. And then, digging the weirdo hole deeper, he quotes himself - "and I said with palpable excitement in my tone". I mean what is that? Author in waiting? And I am his unwitting feedback? Does he want me to write back saying, "oh what wonderful prose. Your writing is so fluid and eloquent. You should get published!"?

I told you right. I always get the best ones. God doesn't want me to find a partner, He wants to try my patience. And entertain me.

Bamboozled

I am blessed. I've never had a hard time getting most things I've wanted. Note that I say most things, because that hot guy who could've been the father of my future children? He didn't turn up. I didn't think he would, because really, just assuming someone would turn up somewhere just because he'd been there the week before, is frankly more than just a little stupid. And reeks slightly of stalker-ism.

And I'd bought a cute top and everything.

But work-wise, interesting career options have always easily fallen into my lap. I've somehow always ended up with jobs I either did not have full qualifications for, or were what I'd thought, out of my league. I've obviously bullshitted my way through quite a few, but have always ended up where I wanted to be. May I stress again, work wise.

Yes, I'm still annoyed at hot-guy for not turning up at the exact same place he was at, the exact same time as last weekend. He should really be more consistent.

Anyhow, job offers have been drizzling in, and in the past week since I gave in my resignation, I've gotten calls from old work bosses (who'd heard I was planning to quit after I'd moaned (not completely unintentionally) to his wife) before I even sent out my resume to a recruitment agency, who by the way, were completely useless and have not bothered to call me back. But I have a few interviews lined up, two offers which are in the works, and one definite prospect. And my current one wants me to stay, promising a double pay-hike.

Great. Fabulous, you say?

I have a colossal problem. So gigantic, I can't wrap my arms around it.

It's like lining up rich dark chocolate in front of me, all different flavours - some with crunchy nuts, others with chewy toffee and caramel, and more exploding bitter coffee - and asking me to choose. ONE.

Is that even humanely possible?

I'm so confused I'm a stone's throw away from just tossing a coin and deciding my fate with whatever side it lands.

I could stay at my present job, but I'd still be stuck in a deep, muddy rut. The other definite offer is a move away from what I've been doing, although still in the same field. MUCH better package, much better everything. All I'm worried about is not being able to deliver to their high expectations. High as in, soaring past the seventh heaven. I could do it I think, but in a year I'd probably end up a stressed, nail-biting, white haired, saggy skinned woman. But a year is do-able, and I could take it as a stepping stone towards even better things. I'd just have to learn to deal with being a hag.

The two still in the works are a company which is almost as good as my current one, great package, same job I do now but more challenging, and a whole, big, lengthy commute. The other, a fabulous fabulous opportunity (dream workplace) with a slightly boring (for now) job profile, an undiscussed-as-yet salary and a bloody massive scope for growth.

Should I roll dice? Choose a number? Toss a coin? Pick a chit? See an astrologer?

Or should I just take an aspirin, chain myself back to my desk, and pretend to myself I didn't step out of my uncomfortable grave-like rut, accept the pay-hike, never speaking of it again?

I'd much rather have to choose between the chocolate.


Update: Make that two definite offers. Fug. Why couldn't have these been gorgeous men instead?