Thursday, February 01, 2007

Different

This past weekend I met up with a cousin who's back home for a meet-the-parents holiday. (Although I'm not sure how much of a holiday that can be). Recently wedded and still full of the excitement of a new bride, she was bubbling over with happiness. Now a recurring, predictable theme; and the beginning of every conversation I seem to have; she hugged me and exclaimed, "So what's goin on with you? Any plans to settle down on the horizon?"

Off we go, round and round that same weary bush. While I pull my hair out in frustration.

After I'd told her my long mournful story (read: whined about the quality of guys in this town) she put on a serious face and lectured me for over an hour about how there was no such thing as Mr. Right, (D'uh. You think?) and that I should look at her own past and learn from her experience.

My cousin, now in her early twenties, was in a relationship for 3 years before getting married, which then rapidly ended in an ultra quick divorce. Not interested in the dating game and it's accompanying heartaches, she settled for an arranged marriage. A guy her parents introduced her to, four days before their engagement.

She was terrified ofcourse, afraid that emotions and sensitivities from her failed first marriage would somehow influence her second. On her wedding day she cried on my shoulder, wondering if she'd made the right decision because, she'd said, she had absolutely no feelings for him. Just a high opinion of his gentle kindness and an admiration of his impeccable manners.

Now, barely six months later, she's over the moon.

So with some encouragement from her (and more than a little resignation), I did some thinking (yay me!) and realised that the Z is not everything and the earth. Sometimes you just have to allow yourself to be swayed into a relationship. Mr. Good Enough may not necessarily sweep you off your feet, but he can certainly make you stumble. (Which is a given if you, like me, live in heels.)

Thinking back, there are some regrets... chances I should have taken, opportunities now lost. I remember this one guy I'd met a while ago who, on paper, had it all - confident and charismatic, he was decent enough to look at, and his family owned an empire. The woman who'd set us up told me he was a great catch, that he would quote "drape me in diamonds" unquote.

Annoyed that she thought I was a scheming gold digger, I didn't take the bait. I wasn't attracted anyway, and our conversation had been peppered with how he sailed his private yacht at the weekends, and how he holidayed at exotic islands every few months. Since he trumpeted his wealth in every other sentence, I felt he couldn't possibly have much else to offer. Plus, he sat like a girl.

When I finally turned him down though, during the course of our last conversation, he mentioned how different I was compared to other women he'd met. I've gotten that from other men over the course of the years, always wondering what exactly they meant. Different good? (you're extraordinary), different bad? (you have three eyes.) But I always put it down, a little uncertainly, to my independent, I-know-what-I-want spirit.

Now in time; still single, not getting any younger, and having let slip some really good men; I realise what they meant. Different really means incredibly fucking stupid.

8 comments:

AlRo said...

I realize this will sound weird coming from a guy.. but i do believe there is a Mr. Right -- but you'll never meet him so long as you're looking for him!

Does that sound retarded??

A friend of mine (a woman) was going through the same shit.. she wanted to find mr. right, have kids, be married - you know how it is... she turned to online dating - whatever it took..

I told her frankly, she was wasting her time... the right guy comes along when you least expect it...

Eventually - after a year, she gave in - and gave up on online dating... within 3 months, she met a guy who knocked her socks off... completely unintentionally, I had invited her over .. and i had invited my best buddy over too - and they just hit it off... It was not my intention to put them together - in fact, I didn't think they'd be good together.. but what do i know...

be patient... something will come along ;) I guess is all i'm saying... it worked for me.. it worked for my friend...

I bookmarked ya.. Have a good day.

Zee said...

that's not fair.....we all have the right to dream of our prince charming.......and i'm sure we'll find him.....

IR said...

thats not fair,
nobodys knows how things will turn out in years to come, you base your decesions on what you have in front of you,as of that moment,the guy with the yacht was just that.no point in repenting over him.
he thought you were d/f , because you were not after his money.

Gregg Scott www.GWEGGY.com said...

I can't let you get away with defaming yourself like that. Your last sentence is far too critical. If you heard someone call your best friend that, would you let them get away with it. I don't think so.

You're not even 30 yet right Have patience. This whole relationship thing is like anything that has to grow. In order for it to flourish it needs love and nurturing. And that is something you can do for yourself. That act will attract what you want and need. Self-hatred will not!

Have a great day in J-Berg.

Gregg
www.GWEGGY.com

Geek Goddess said...

wow AIRo that gives me hope.. and you're right, a lot of my married friends (of which there are many) tell me they found their partners just right about exactly when they stopped looking. Maybe I can pretend I've stopped... hmmm...

Zee, I hate to do this, because I've been dreaming for years and years and it hasn't yet happened, and I hate to be all cynical, but I think it's time we stopped living in fairy tales and realised that we don't live in a perfect world and there's no such thing as the perfect man. But we still have every right of having a more practical happily-ever-after with a more regular man (I just need to convince myself first.)

IR thanks, and I've been called that by men who didn't have money, so I can only wonder what they were referring to :(

Gweggy, thanks for the concern.. that last line I was actually trying to add some humour. It didn't work right? But it's true that positive attitudes attract positive people. And patience and me? Hah! Easier said than done.

Aaah. I so love the internet. Free counseling.

Anonymous said...

"sat like a girl"?? hahahahaaa... don't blame me for not getting it. I'm a guy :-)

ian said...

Hi GG:

I'm bloghopping today and came here via Julie. I have to say that chance meetings have become my best relationships in life. It was right when I'd given up that I suddenly wound up accidentally dating the woman who eventually became my wife. Totally unplanned.

Ian

lemonade said...

hey..dont be so hard on urself..!!
shit happens..!! thats a given..

and there is a 'Mr right' and there is a 'The one' and there is a 'soulmate'(not that i would know..but..thats wat i want to believe..and hopefully its true.) think u should believe it too... :)