Friday, January 26, 2007

Shrink Wanted

I've always imagined myself a pretty good amateur (unqualified) psychiatrist. Not that I'm any good with sharing advice. Or with listening to people mourn about things gone wrong, because really, there are enough things in a day to get a person down without having to listen to another depressed soul's sob story. Hmmm... never mind, so I wouldn't make that great a shrink, but I've always considered myself stable minded, level-headed and common sense-d. But secretly, I'm not.

There are deep psychological factors that affect me. So deep rooted and well hidden I don't know whether to be amused by my own neuroses, or to seriously think about investing in a therapist.

Relationships terrify me. The thought of chaining myself to any old guy (and I don't mean that age-wise) for the rest of my one precious life makes me panicking-ly claustrophobic. It's not that I don't want to have a serious relationship which will inevitably end in marriage; because hell yeah, I do. One day. But either I just haven't met that right guy with that Z* thing or I have some seriously deep emotional issues.

The last handful of could've-beens that I've met, I always about-turned straight out, before even beginning to let the idea of a chance happen. Finding invisible flaws and imaginary defects seconds after having been introduced. And the few others that I was incredibly attracted to (and who had the Z), were either too young, too uninterested, or too taken. And if they did become available, I suddenly wasn't so into anymore. All part of a weird emotional mind-game. I'm only interested if you're not.

I don't know whether I just need to smack myself back into the grayness of reality, or keep fanning the vibrant flames of hope that I will, after all, find that one great guy who's right for me. Hold out until I'm an old and wrinkly 50 year old, still waiting; or just attach myself to the next almost-decent, no-spark guy who comes along. But neither one sounds very appealing.

My mother is always the first one to tell me I should just give it a shot, that I will eventually end up falling head over heels. And I understand that, because it's easy for two people spending enough time together to discover the goodness in each other.

So I wonder if I should simply give up on all the hoopla of chemistry at first sight, and settle instead for a steady (boring), good-on-paper kinda guy and then, hopefully, discover the Z in him.

But then again, it's a trade off between electric passion or plodding, respectful fondness. And the latter I've always felt, is more apt for elderly uncles.

Z* - Simply named due to the plethora of words to describe it, that all begin with Z. More popularly known as "zsa zsa zsu" or much better; the "zzzzuh!"


Zee said...

i know the feeling..... :( i mean it's nice in a way coz u think u're too strong to need anyone but scary to think YOU are the committment phobic one....
if you find your answers pls to let me know!

IR said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
IR said...

when you say "hold on till i am 50.."

you are talking labout a long long time(50x365) just do the maths, nthg can remain the same for such a long time, neither Zing dude(who would prob be as wrinkled as you) or the good on paper guy(who might have developed a zing by then)!!.

Neil said...

I'm sure you can find some middle ground between the Z factor and someone "boring." After all, you probably want someone who can do both great sex and take care of the bills.

Geek Goddess said...

Zee... scary? try horrified! and as for answers... Neil and IR hit the nail right on the head. Right there is the definition of The Perfect Man. A cross between the sensible and the exciting.

AlRo said...

Like i said before .. it'll all come together.
I don't believe in love at first sight.. you can be hormonally attracked to someone at first sight and think .. man oh man.. gorgeous - hot, sexy blah.. but the guy can be a complete dick... no love there... just sexual chemistry.

You have to find a friend first... then love really comes next .. cuz if you have a friend first - it takes all that pressure and phobia of being tied down away... it won't feel like being tied down if you genuinely enjoy the person you're with.. hell you won't even think about it - cuz it's just so damn natural that the person is by your side..

Trust me on this one..

Geek Goddess said...

Fabulous advice. You're my new love guru :)

AlRo said...

Glad I can give ya some hope ! ;)